I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
