mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
