Who wears a wallet chain?!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
