Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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