all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
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It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
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There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize