I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
