Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
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