billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
