I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
