I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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