This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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