alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
