Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
