Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
