This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
