No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
