At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
