Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
