I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
