So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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