I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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