Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?