we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
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i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
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Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.