Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
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I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?