she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later