need another drink. this is the easiest way
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.