Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(240): View more from Maryland

EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.

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(240): EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff. http://tfl.nu/5eqp

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(480): View more from Arizona

Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy

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(480): Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy http://tfl.nu/pa3a

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(904): View more from Florida

watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..

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(904): watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too.. http://tfl.nu/rujn

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(203): View more from Connecticut

It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"

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(203): It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it" http://tfl.nu/xj55

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(312): View more from Illinois

I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?

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(312): I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse? http://tfl.nu/9r6j

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(813): View more from Florida

Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.

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(813): Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house. http://tfl.nu/ztm5

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?

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(973): Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet? http://tfl.nu/ol6s

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(239): View more from Florida

Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does

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(239): Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does http://tfl.nu/6lq0

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(775): View more from Nevada

Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent

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(775): Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent http://tfl.nu/ylaq

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?

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(717): Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear? http://tfl.nu/anmu

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(804): View more from Virginia

time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever

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(804): time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever http://tfl.nu/4zua

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(646): View more from New York

How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.

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(646): How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope. http://tfl.nu/0uer

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(425): View more from Washington

I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.

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(425): I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it. http://tfl.nu/tr7o

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(708): View more from Illinois

Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.

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(708): Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good. http://tfl.nu/6ter

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(205): View more from Alabama

No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.

(1-205): View more from Alabama

Can I get that on a shirt

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(205): No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her. (1-205): Can I get that on a shirt http://tfl.nu/a8yc

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