What did we do last night that was yellow?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
I told him it was alright.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She made me pour olive oil on her.