I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
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I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
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In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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