that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
