anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
