Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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