do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize