Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
