So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Randomize
