Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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