We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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