she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize