I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
