dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
