You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
