Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
