That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
