i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
