Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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