Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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