Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
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Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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