Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He passed out mid-signature
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
