did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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