Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
