dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
