You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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