You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
