At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
