Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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