My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
