I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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