So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
A bitchslap is in order.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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