Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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