so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
