mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
