If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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