i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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