Can i not drive my cunt home
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
