she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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